It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize