please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
not ubering you a puppy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
