i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
