Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
