God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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