Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's rum buckets o'clock
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
