I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Drake has all the answers
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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