Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
