Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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