So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
