she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
