when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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