If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
