some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
