I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
