You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
