id be glad to
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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