did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My bed smells like the plague
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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