So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
