Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize