Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
