yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
