Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
