I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
