paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's like heaven, but drunker
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
