I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
