Operation Purity has been aborted
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize