Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
