I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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