Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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