I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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