we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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