Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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