If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
