So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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