I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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