whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
