afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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