I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
