i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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