meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
