Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
