just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
3 2 1 whiskey
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
