So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
