just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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