Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
