I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
