You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
