So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
