Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
