I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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