I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
