Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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