I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
