walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
