I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
