I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
