So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
