I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
