fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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