She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
