Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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