We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
