worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
