I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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