quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The beer is more important than you right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
