How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize