it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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