Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
