I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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