So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
