I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
