sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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