You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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