Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
