I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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