Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
