and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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