Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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