My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
barbara walters just said penis...
nutella sex= disaster
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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